It is often said that life is not a bed of roses. Many times, we may not find even a single rose in our life. Rather, it may appear marked by a host of thorns.

When one comes to the path of spiritual life, one begins to understand one’s identity, the nature of this world, the nature of God, and the purpose of life. Yet even in a practicing devotee’s life, one may become deluded about the goal, confused about one’s identity, and internally disturbed. This inner turbulence is what we may call an identity crisis.

Interestingly, the very originator of our sampradāya, Lord Brahmā, repeatedly faced such crises.

Brahmā’s Repeated Identity Crisis

Lord Brahmā was born from the lotus emerging from Garbhodakaśāyī Viṣṇu. Surrounded by darkness, he did not know who he was or what he was meant to do. That was the first identity crisis in his life.

He heard the word tapa and undertook penance. After deep meditation, he received darśana of the Supreme Lord and understood his position.

Yet the crises continued.

When the Four Kumāras refused to procreate, his identity as the creator was shaken. When Lord Śiva manifested and began destruction, Brahmā’s role felt disturbed. When the demons chased him, and even when he momentarily fell prey to illusion in running behind his daughter, he experienced further crisis.

The most intense moment came when he forgot his Supreme Master, Śrī Kṛṣṇa, and attempted to test Him by stealing His calves and cowherd boys. When Brahmā realized his mistake, he offered prayers re-affirming his identity as the servant of the servant. He desired to take birth in Vṛndāvana even as a blade of grass.

The same Brahmā later appeared as Haridāsa Ṭhākura. As Haridāsa, there was no identity crisis. His identity was crystal clear — servant of Lord Caitanya and servant of the devotees. During Mahā-prakāśa līlā, when asked what he desired, he prayed only to become a dog in the house of a devotee. When Mayadevi tested him, his identity as the servant of Krishna didn’t change. He had immense clarity in all crises that came in his life.

Identity Crisis in the Life of a Sādhaka

What we see in Brahmā’s life is reflected in the life of every sādhaka.

The first crisis begins when we are told, “You are not the body. You are the spirit soul.” Many struggle to move beyond bodily attachment. And because of being unable to overcome this identity crisis, they don’t continue in devotional service.

The next identity we receive is that we are servants of Kṛṣṇa. Our long-standing identity as master is threatened. Some may drift away from Krishna Consciousness at this point.

Then comes a subtler understanding — we are servants of the servants of Kṛṣṇa. Initially this feels natural because we are new in association. But over time, ego, expectations, and differences may create inner disturbance. So, future crises may also arise in our lives. Some may go away from association due to a crisis, some may continue – not as an active contributor, but as a passive spectator, and some may overcome this crisis

Dealing with Crisis

The word crisis actually means a turning point.

There are three possible responses to any identity crisis in our life — success, failure, or compromise.

Success means returning to our root identity as servants of Guru and Kṛṣṇa in this midst of a crisis. When attachment to Kṛṣṇa increases, internal integrity deepens and association with devotees strengthens.

Vṛtrāsura is an example of such success. Externally he appeared as a demon, yet internally he was a pure devotee. Even while facing death, he prayed only for remembrance of the Lord and the association of devotees. His external identity could not shake his internal clarity.

Similarly, Rūpa and Sanātana Gosvāmīs were externally forced into Muslim administrative roles. Yet, they had Vrindavan in their homes, and identified themselves as Krishna’s servants. They were even apparently neglected when Mahāprabhu did not respond to their letters. Yet, their devotion for Mahaprabhu didn’t diminish. Later, in Vṛndāvana, whether sleeping under trees or residing in temples, their identity did not waver. They remained fixed as servants of the servant.

Failure occurs when one forgets one’s service identity and becomes distracted. One may alienate oneself from the association od devotees in the case of a failure. Sugrīva illustrates this. After Lord Rāma restored his kingdom and wife, Sugrīva temporarily forgot his identity as Rāma’s servant and became absorbed in enjoyment. His distraction was essentially an identity shift. Only when Lakṣmaṇa firmly reminded him did he return to his real position. The crisis exposed his weakness, but also gave him an opportunity to recover.

Compromise happens when one continues externally but internally harbors unresolved ego. Vallabha Bhaṭṭa had devotion for Mahāprabhu, yet when Mahāprabhu did not appreciate his commentary on Śrīmad Bhāgavatam, his attitude subtly changed. His sense of being a servant was disturbed. Externally he remained connected, but internally there was friction. Caitanya Caritamrita mentioins that Vallabha’s devotional sentiments for Mahaprabhu changed. Only after deep humbling did his compromised identity dissolve into genuine servant-hood.

To succeed in any identity crisis, we must keep the north pole of our life fixed — service to Guru, Kṛṣṇa, and the devotees. If service remains central, crisis takes us closer to Krishna.

The real question is not whether crisis will come. It will. The question is whether we will return to our root identity. We need to reflect – Am I coming closer to devotees through this crisis, or am I drifting away from Krishna because of this crisis?