On my way to Hampi, Kishkindha dham for looking for pre-arrangements for a yatra we are planning for youth devotees. The train was at 1 am in the morning. I slept at 9 pm, got up at 12.15 am, took bath, then proceeded towards the station.

I got a seat just next to the toilet, which is always a terrible experience. Just yesterday, I was feeling extremely irritated when some dirty smell was coming in my room, probably from the outside washroom. I had just cleaned the room, the atmosphere and the ambience was perfect for doing some constructive work, but I was unable to focus. I checked, but I was unable to find the source. I thought it must be the doormat which had become quite dirty, although not appearing externally. I thoroughly washed it with soap, and put for drying.

I was thinking of Shrila Prabhupada. When Prabhupada went to the Bowery, the whole of Bowery smelled like a mixture of beer and urine. And how graciously Prabhupada toelrated that! When his disciples later begged him for forgiveness saying that, “Prabhupada, we are so sorry we got you to such a place as Bowery”, and Prabhupada replied, “Bowery is Vaikuntha!”

As I got in the train, I tried to rest again for around 5-10 minutes. My head was reeling. But the washroom smell, and a fellow passenger’s quest to squeeze out happiness by watching endless Youtube shorts, or reels, or whatever it was, in a blockbuster sound, didn’t let me sleep.

I got up, and started to chant. And I can definitely say, it was one of the best chanting experiences I had sitting in a train. I clocked somewhere less than 2 hours. The toilet smell vanished into oblivion as I was trying to focus on the Holy Name.

I was thinking about Hampi Dham, Kishkindha Kshetra, where Lord Rama cried frantically for Mother Sita. I got reminded of Lord Caitanya crying in separation from Krishna. Here, the same Krishna, in His plenary expansion as Rama is crying for mother Sita, and on the other hand, Lord Caitanya, in the mood of Srimati Radharani, of whom Sita is an expansion, was crying for Lord Krishna.

I was also contemplating on how Hanuman met Lord Rama for the first time in this place. Hanuman approached Lord Rama disguised as a Brahmana, but in that mood, He could not recognize Lord Rama. The Lord hid his identity from Hanuman.

Deception never proves worthy in front of the Supreme Lord. How can a tiny jiva ever mask himself or herself in front of the Supreme Lord? If we have to approach the Lord, we need to come naked before Him, leaving all our pretensions, our show-off mentality aside.

Lord Brahma therefore says in SB 2.7.42,
yeṣāṁ sa eṣa bhagavān dayayed anantaḥ
sarvātmanāśrita-pado yadi nirvyalīkam
te dustarām atitaranti ca deva-māyāṁ
naiṣāṁ mamāham iti dhīḥ śva-śṛgāla-bhakṣye

Here the word nirvyalikam means without pretense. The Lord can be easily attained by those who approach Him without pretense, but not by those who are attached to their bodies.

I was reflecting on my own frailties, my pretensions – how they can never make me realize Krishna.

After completing my chanting, I tried to take rest for some time. There were too many dreams, too much noise, and pre-dawn artificial light coming on my way to a sound rest. One of the my worshipable superiors came in my dream. He was telling to a fellow devotee, “Tell Hari Bhakti Das to do something about this project. He is simply wasting his life in a comfort zone.”

Seeing my current situation, I am sure I’ll not go anywhere. Desperately need the mercy and prayers of devotees to continue on intensely on this journey.