Of the many things that agitate me, one of them is when someone says something that is not in line with pure devotional service. Although I am far from the level of pure devotion, I like to hear explanations that have scriptural backing, or the backing of our ācāryas – either current or previous.
Recently, I received a message that followed a different line of thought. Instinctively, I wrote a strong reply without understanding the background. Later, when I understood the context, my message seemed highly insensitive, to say the least. But words, once spoken (or written), can never be taken back. (Although, sometimes in WhatsApp, you can delete message for Everyone!)
Another situation occurred more recently, not related to the above, but it also invoked my internal agitation. I wanted to retaliate, but I held back, not wanting to hurt another devotee.
Still, my vision was clouded by the fog of ignorance and obsession. I couldn’t concentrate during chanting. As I prayed intensely, tried to hear my spiritual master, and used whatever intelligence I had to detach and assess the situation, the fog slowly began to clear. I realized that my attachment was causing me to react internally.
Same with the earlier incident—my attachment to my viewpoint led me to retaliate.
Then one evening while chanting, a verse came in my mind:
āpūryamāṇam acala-pratiṣṭhaṁ
samudram āpaḥ praviśanti yadvat
tadvat kāmā yaṁ praviśanti sarve
sa śāntim āpnoti na kāma-kāmī
“A person who is not disturbed by the incessant flow of desires—that enter like rivers into the ocean, which is ever being filled but is always still—can alone achieve peace, and not the one who strives to satisfy such desires.” (BG 2.70)
I thought – just because of my attachment, whether to my opinion or my desire, I reacted.
How wonderful it would be if my mind remained peaceful and fixed in Krishna’s service!
In practically every situation, we are faced with three possible responses:
REACT: Agitation in Action
The first is to react, which I did in the first situation. I recall several instances where I ended up arguing with a friend about varṇāśrama vs bhakti. This topic has a wide range of opinions. And sometimes, devotees don’t understand the right meaning of the terms also. I have always tried to maintain the viewpoint aligned with our ācāryas. Still, the debate would go in circles. He was convinced of his standpoint, and I was of mine. After several such talks, I realized it’s best to not bring in that topic. There are thousands of other enriching topics in Krishna consciousness. Why waste time on the one difference we have?
Dakṣa reacted when he saw Lord Śiva still seated upon his arrival. Enraged, Dakṣa blasphemed and cursed Lord Śiva. As a result, he received a goat’s head.
Sometimes, we react when our “rights” feel violated. For instance, a person might give a donation and expect special treatment. If that’s not received, they may react harshly.
We may also react because of our previous conditionings or upbringing. And that may result in a cleavage of relationship.
When we react, it often leads to unnecessary complexities. We may hurt others, or get hurt ourselves. And the cycle may go on indefinitely. Relationships may get spoiled. A lot of time gets wasted in rectifying the situation.
RESPOND: Intelligence in Action
The second option is to respond. It requires proper use of intelligence to give an appropriate reply to the situation.
Reaction is a by-product of a restless mind, whereas response is a by-product of thoughtful intelligence.
When Dakṣa neglected Sati because of her relationship with Lord Śiva, Sati didn’t remain silent. Her husband was being insulted, and she spoke up firmly and confidently. But her statements were not driven by agitation; they were grounded in spiritual truth.
At times, even a proper and intelligent response may provoke the other person to react. When that happens, we may also feel tempted to react back.
What should we do in such situations?
RETREAT: Action in Inaction
We don’t always have to stand for “being right.” Sometimes, we need to go “beyond right.”
In certain cases, it’s best not to respond at all. Lord Śiva didn’t respond to Dakṣa’s harsh words. Instead, he simply retreated. He felt it was useless to say anything to Dakṣa. He remained fixed in his devotion to Kṛṣṇa.
sattvaṁ viśuddhaṁ vasudeva-śabditaṁ
yad īyate tatra pumān apāvṛtaḥ
sattve ca tasmin bhagavān vāsudevo
hy adhokṣajo me namasā vidhīyate
“I am always engaged in offering obeisances to Lord Vāsudeva in pure Kṛṣṇa consciousness. In such pure consciousness, the Supreme Personality of Godhead, known as Vāsudeva, is revealed without any covering.”(SB 4.3.23)
As is said – speech is silver, and silence is golden. At times, silence and remembering the golden avatāra can bring more benefit than any words that could stir unnecessary emotions.
In the case of Gopāla Cāpalā, who secretly placed Durga paraphernalia outside Śrīvāsa Ṭhākura’s home, Śrīvāsa didn’t react. Instead, he publicly declared that he was engaged in Durga worship, but no one believed him. He was beyond material concerns. Therefore, there was no reason for him to react. He naturally retreated.
Inaction in Action:
When Dakṣa crossed his boundaries by mistreating Sati to the extent that she gave up her life, Lord Śiva responded appropriately.
So retreat doesn’t mean one is passive. It means wisely choosing whether and how to engage.
Inaction First, Right Action Next:
If we feel that we might end up reacting in an improper manner later, we must first retreat. After contemplating deeply, we can assess whether the topic is even worth addressing. If not, we can let it go and focus on our service. Many things dissolve with the passage of time.
In the second incident I mentioned, I had written an email as a reply to that devotee, which I felt was a good calculated response. But later, I didn’t even feel the need to respond. I was happy with my retreat. Sometimes, when we pause our reaction and retreat, there may be no need for a response as well.
If we are sure that silence won’t help and our reaction might come out later in an ugly manner, then it’s better to respond thoughtfully.
Conclusion:
We must avoid reaction by all means. Choosing between response and retreat requires discrimination.
In any situation, we can try to think –
Am I about to react consumed by some emotion?
Or can I respond with intelligence?
Or should I retreat in detachment?
As we go deeper in bhakti, Kṛṣṇa provides the required intelligence: dadāmi buddhi-yogaṁ taṁ yena mām upayānti te.
Pure devotees never err in their dealings. Their goal is always Kṛṣṇa consciousness. And whatever helps maintain that focus, they choose that path. Even if they react, because they are beyond material emotions, it doesn’t take away their absorption.
