Bhagavatam describes attachment between the sexes as the greatest bondage in this material world. This world is aptly called maithunya-āgāra, a prison house where everyone is chained by the shackles of sex life.

We are well aware of the dangers of gross sexual attachment. A man is attracted to a woman, and a woman is attracted to a man. But a subtler and a deeper level of emotional attachment also exists.

The expanse of sex life has been described by Lord Ṛṣabhadeva:

puṁsaḥ striyā mithunī-bhāvam etaṁ
tayor mitho hṛdaya-granthim āhuḥ
ato gṛha-kṣetra-sutāpta-vittair
janasya moho ‘yam ahaṁ mameti
“The attraction between male and female is the basic principle of material existence. On the basis of this misconception, which ties together the hearts of the male and female, one becomes attached to his body, home, property, children, relatives, and wealth. In this way, one increases life’s illusions and thinks in terms of ‘I and mine.’” (SB 5.5.8)

Thus, one attraction expands into a plethora of other entanglements which are compared to a hard knot.

A Knot Worth Lifetimes

Sometimes, even a simple knot can be difficult to untie. The knot described by Ṛṣabhadeva is not made of thread or rope; it is a knot of the heart. In one lifetime, we tie one, or many such knots. And we have been tying knots at the same spot for millions of lifetimes. Just imagine how tightly bound that must be! And this knot isn’t merely physical. A physical knot can be cut with scissors. But this knot is mental and emotional. It cannot be severed by ordinary means.

The Dangers of Indulgence

One may argue, “What’s the harm? It will fade away with the passage of time.” But the reality is otherwise. This knot does not weaken over time; rather, it intensifies. It has no expiry date. Conditioned souls, unaware of this danger, uselessly waste their lives tying more knots every single day. They are bewitched by maya to the highest degree.

One devotee recently questioned me on what is the problem in maintaining material desires while simultaneously practicing Krishna Consciousness. He wanted to have the best of both the worlds – Hearing some movie songs and then hearing bhajans, watching a movie, and then coming for a class, and so on. It’s like untying the knot by one hand, and simultaneously tightening it by another. How can material desires ever go in this way? And how can one truly become happy?

Want a Trip to Heaven?

Devotees who are keen in expanding these knots may be unable to attain the desired goal of life. Even when one is practicing bhakti externally, the presence of these knots can divert one from Goloka to Gandharvaloka.

Śrīla Prabhupāda once stated, “Seventy percent of ISKCON devotees will land up in heaven.” Why? Because of lingering material desires in the heart.

Regarding Choṭa Haridāsa, Bhaktivinoda Ṭhākura writes:

“For one who prematurely takes to renunciation, the enjoying tendency has not left him. The influence of temporary renunciation will subside. The instinct to converse and associate with women gradually becomes stronger and great depravity ensues. No matter how much bhakti is there, there will be a delay in the removal of that desire.

Choṭa Haridāsa left his body and attained Gandharvaloka. That is the nature of bhakti. In whichever heart she arises, she destroys any anartha at the root which is residing there. After experiencing all the pleasures of puṇya, renunciation eventually manifests. In that position, devotees who maintain some material desires experience the pleasures of that world. All pāpa within their hearts is eventually burned. In this way, Choṭa Haridāsa who had a desire to associate with women, attained a planet where he could fulfill his desire and Bhakti Devī would gradually award him with renunciation.”

It’s a frightening thought to miss the rare opportunity to go back home, back to Godhead, and instead settle for something very ordinary.

Although the above statements refer to one in the renounced order of life, the principle of purifying oneself of all material desires remains valid for members of all asramas.

Restraint in all Asramas

As devotees, we must understand the need to rise above both gross and subtle sex desires. Here, subtle sex refers to emotional dependence on the opposite sex.

A brahmacari who compromises on this principle may want to establish connection with newer and newer members of the opposite sex, thereby leading to his spiritual downfall.

A grhastha who compromises on this may either become too absorbed in family affairs and extended gratification, or seek companionship or support from a relationship that is not enjoined in the sastras.

If a boy is always searching for beautiful girls, and girls are constantly seeking opportunities to mix with boys, where is restraint? For instance, a young unmarried ‘devotee’ regularly keeps on chatting, talking, meeting with his 4-5 ‘devotee’ friends, all of whom are girls. And they are convinced that they are serious practitioners of bhakti.

If a husband is always absorbed in thoughts of his wife, and the wife likewise, where is Krishna in that relationship? Of course, when the husband is advanced, the wife naturally progresses, as in the example of Devahūti. But for that to happen, the man’s focus must be on Krishna, as it was for Kardama Muni.

By following the regulative principles, one doesn’t harden the knot at least. And when one sincerely practices Krishna Consciousness, Krishna helps in untying the knot.

Serving Krishna Together

Another way to loosen this multi-life knot is to focus on Krishna individually and collectively. When Krishna becomes the focal point, material attraction and emotional entanglement become insignificant. Where Krishna is present, maya cannot co-exist.

Srila Prabhupada writes, “We therefore request all the members of the Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement—both men and women—not to be attracted by bodily features but only to be attracted by Kṛṣṇa. Then everything will be all right. Otherwise there will be danger.” SB 6.18.41 P

Krishna must be present in His true form through sincere chanting and Krishna-kathā. Maya is expert in disguising herself as Krishna and appearing before us to deceive us. We can use Krishna as an aid to indulge in pious sense gratification. And maya will make us believe that we are advancing in Krishna Consciousness.

Krishna consciousness is not a social gathering or a feel-good club or a get together for sense gratification. It is a serious movement meant for realizing life’s ultimate goal. To the degree we are sincere, Krishna will guide us with the right intelligence. Then our life will become knot free.

Ultimately, the choice is ours:
Do we wish to be among the 70% who board the flight to heaven?
Or the 30% who take off to Goloka?