This is like asking – which is more dangerous – a sword or a gun? Both are meant to kill!

Still, if we are asked – if I want to fall into one of them – gross or subtle sex, which one should I, what answer will we give? We will obviously tell not to fall into any one of these.

Understanding Gross and Subtle Sex

To understand gross sex is easy. A man is behind a woman, a woman is behind a man. And we can ourselves understand that we are falling in its trap.

What about subtle sex? Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati thakura would call profit, adoration and distinction as subtle sex. Why so?

In gross sex, one wishes to enjoy with the gross senses – the eyes want to see, the ears want to hear, the skin wants to touch, the nose wants to smell.

In subtle sex, one wishes to enjoy with the subtle senses – mind, intelligence and ego.

The Kick and the Pitfalls

The kick that subtle sex can give to the mind and ego is tremendous. Much more than gross sex. Isn’t that why some people can live without feeling the need to indulge in gross sex? The great scientists, philosophers etc. But, they cannot get away with subtle sex. The craving for post, position, name and fame takes over.

Satiation in Gross and Subtle Sex: A gross act of sexual pleasure lasts shortly. An all-compassing desire for subtle sex burns the heart day and night. In gross sexual pleasure also, one wishes to have more and more, but after a time, one may feel satiated for some time before again craving for the same. For subtle sex, there is no satiation.

SB 7.11.33-34 mentions something for too sinful people. Prabhupada writes in the purport, “If one continuously sprinkles drops of ghee on a fire, the fire will not be extinguished, but if one suddenly puts a lump of ghee on a fire, the fire may possibly be extinguished entirely. Similarly, those who are too sinful and have thus been born in the lower classes are allowed to enjoy sinful activities fully, for thus there is a chance that these activities will become detestful to them, and they will get the opportunity to be purified.”

This is not to be taken as a license for performing sinful activities. Prabhupada mentions here that there is a chance that these people can get away by feeling disgusted from that experience.

For subtle sex, there is no statement anywhere in the sastras like the above. The more one indulges, the more one gets entangled. Indra’s example is very evident. His post makes him do all sorts of activities. And yes, if subtle sex is not controlled, it may as well transform into gross sex. Because the desire for enjoyment is already there!

Degreee of Absorption in Gross and Subtle Sex: The absorption of mind in gross sexual pleasure can be consuming at times, and one may not understand how to control this urge. The absorption of mind in subtle sex is not only subtle and difficult to understand, but one may also think that one is doing a great service in the name of enjoying the results in the form of subtle sex.

Therefore, in the stages of anisthita bhajan kriya which are a part of anartha nivrtti, Srila Vishwanatha Chakravarti Thakura mentions taranga-rangini as the last stage. Vishaya-sangara or struggle with the senses comes before.

So, one has to be extremely careful about profit, adoration and distinction, especially when one has practiced Krishna Consciousness for a sufficient number of years.

PS: This article in no way minimizes the danger of gross sex, but also highlights on the danger of subtle sex which we are not aware of. First, one has to work on gross sex which is at least visible. Subtle sex can go unnoticed for years. Then one has to start working on both once when subtle sex starts showing its ugly (or rather attractive) head. Then one starts working on both. In course of time, gross desires will reduce, and if one practices sincerely, then one can go beyond subtle sex as well. Yet, if at any time, the sadhaka thinks that he has conquered over gross sexual desires, he or she will fall prey to them again.