CC Madhya 2.28
śrī-kṛṣṇa-rūpādi-niṣevaṇaṁ vinā
vyarthāni me ’hāny akhilendriyāṇy alam
pāṣāṇa-śuṣkendhana-bhārakāṇy aho
bibharmi vā tāni kathaṁ hata-trapaḥ
”’My dear friends, unless I serve the transcendental form, qualities and pastimes of Śrī Kṛṣṇa, all My days and all My senses will become entirely useless. Now I am uselessly bearing the burden of My senses, which are like stone blocks and dried wood. I do not know how long I will be able to continue without shame.’
I was remembering this verse while chanting today. The senses and the mind are only meant to relish Krishna’s name, form, qualities and pastimes. Before we relish the qualities and pastimes of Krishna, we must intensely desire to relish these things in life. Before we intensely desire to relish, we must feel a great void when we are unable to taste the name and fame of Krishna.
That void enables one to intensely pray to Krishna in the mood of lalasa. Our acaryas have written many prayers that fall in the category of lalasamayi.
Srila Bhaktivinode Thakura writes in a mood of great earnestness,
kabe ha’be bolo se-dina āmār
(āmār) aparādha ghuci’, śuddha nāme ruci,
kṛpā-bale ha’be hṛdoye saṣcār
When, O when, will that day be mine? When will you give me your blessings, erase all my offences and give my heart a taste [ruci] for chanting the Holy Name in purity?
tṛṇādhika hīna, kabe nije māni’,
sahiṣṇutā-guṇa hṛdoyete āni’
sakale mānada, āpani amānī,
ho’ye āswādibo nāma-rasa-sār
When will I taste the essence of the Holy Name, feeling myself to be lower than the grass, my heart filled with tolerance? When will I give respect to all others and be free from desire for respect from them?
Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu in His deep feelings of separation from Krishna is reciting the abovementioned verse. And he is helplessly calling his inability to relish the Lord’s qualities and pastimes out of his utter humility.
Pure devotees’ expression of being unable to relish Krishna’s name is a sign of their humility, whereas sadhakas’ earnest expression of being unable to relish Krishna’s name is a sign of wanting to go closer to Krishna.
Krishna is the most expert in relishing rasa. Krishna relishes pure ecstatic emotions arising in the heart of His pure devotees, and Krishna appreciates emotions of helplessness, earnestness arising in the hearts of His practicing devotees. The emotions may be the same, but in case of pure devotees, they arise out of spontaneous love, and in case of practicing devotees, they arise out of a sincere practice of bhakti.
Being in a helpless mood is an extremely safe boat through which we can cross over the ocean of material existence. A helpless person cannot become proud. And it is in true humility that Krishna reveals Himself.
